Quest(s)

Alternatively titled:  To blog or not to blog

Did you think I'd totally given up on this whole blogging thing? 

My lack of attention to posting information directly correlates to a lack of new information on this end.  Like most of you in the area, the primary goal of the last few weeks has been to stay reasonably warm and dry.  And to steer clear whatever the gusty winds might be blowing around outside.

We did however, make an important decision this week.  After follow up appointments with several doctors, and after a long talk with our oncologist, we've made the decision to forgo chemotherapy treatment.  The Oncotype DX test for which we were awaiting results was helpful in that the final numbers were not high. 

To be honest, the facts of our particular circumstances put us in a position to be fully supported by our oncologist whether we chose to move forward with the chemo or not.   Tough choice, with pros and cons on both sides.  We've prayerfully made our decision, and have peace.

This journey (so far) has been filled with quite a few questions that have multiple choice answers.  Isn't that just like life?  A good friend reminded me of a scripture from the book of Isaiah:  "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it'."  (30:21) 

And now, how to communicate to all of you who have prayed, and continue to pray for our family.  We are humbled that you would continue to keep us close.  We are grateful for every prayer, every card, every expression of love that you have shared with our family, and are very much honored to call you friends.

Much love and Merry Christmas to all.

"I thank my God every time I remember you....He who began a good work in [us] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus".  Philippians 1:3,6

How are you?

A simple question, really. 

Asked often, and with sincerity.

Often, we're not certain how much information a person wants to share, and to ask in this way gives the answerer the freedom to respond with "fine", or "let me tell you my story", or something in-between.

All things considered, we are good.  Thanksgiving was peaceful and crazy.  (If you know or are a part of my father's family, you know about the crazy part.  Those Bolings.  Gotta love 'em.)

We were able to spend time with Alan's family as well.  We had a sweet time together, with plenty of love and laughter.  (For those of you unaware, my husband passed away last February, and we're all navigating these holidays with some trepidation.)  

Elves showed up and helped to assemble and decorate the Christmas tree, since lifting and stretching are activities that are prohibited.

Recovery continues without complications.  We are so thankful, and have been enjoying time with friends, getting acquainted with Panera's holiday drinks and eats.  Doctor visits are few and far-between.

Our insurance company has approved the further testing mentioned in our previous post. (more info, see HERE) We appreciate your prayers regarding the accuracy of the results, and  wisdom regarding our decision.

We are so very appreciative of  your support, and are aware that many of you, our family and friends, are experiencing exhausting challenges- physical, emotional, financial, etc.  We pray that...

"...the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  Romans 15:13

Pathology, Perspective, Progress

Another week has passed, with progress in recovery from the surgery of two weeks ago.  We are very thankful for continued healing with no complications!

Remember when, back in your school days, you were assigned vocabulary words?  Each Monday, you were assigned a new list to spell and use in a sentence.  The goal was not only memorization--the Friday test revealed whether or not you understood the meaning of the words.

We met with our Oncologist this week, and have several new words.  Our new vocab list includes words like hormone (estrogen) receptor positive, tamoxifen, cytoxa, and taxotere.  We're learning to use these words in context, and our brains have been stretched.

That pesky spot of invasive cancer, measuring 1.2 centimeters, was removed during mastectomy two weeks ago.  Though gone, it's certainly not forgotten.  Because the tumor was hormone (estrogen) receptor positive, tamoxifen will be prescribed for a period of five years.

A little less certain at this point is whether or not chemotherapy will be prudent.  An absence of family history of breast cancer, the presence of clear margins around the removed tumor, and clear sentinel nodes all point to a reduced risk of recurrence.  Low probability of recurrence gives us the option of declining chemotherapy treatment.  Assuming our insurance company approves further testing of the tumor, the results of the Oncotype DX test (genetic markers test) should give us further direction in our decision regarding additional treatment. 

As we enter this season of Thanksgiving, we are so very grateful for each of you that have come alongside us in this journey.  We are blessed by your continued prayers and encouragement.

Happy Thanksgiving!

"Know that the Lord is God.  It is He who made us, and we are His, we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.  Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.  For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations."  Psalm 100: 3-5

Out of the Fog

It's been a week!  Haven't updated the blog for fear that anything written would be senseless.

Follow-up appointment with the plastic surgeon today was good, healing is going well.  The nurse that removed those annoying drains is my hero.

I have been blessed by your notes, blessed by food (my fridge and freezer are overflowing), blessed with fresh flowers, and very blessed with quiet telephones.  (Thankful that my recovery is post-election, those endless political calls made me want to permanently ditch my land line.)

Most especially, however, I have been tremendously blessed by your prayer support.  We have peace.  Peace for now, peace for later.

Initially, our diagnosis was DCIS (see first blog post), determined after biopsy.  Additional testing was ordered (MRI) and confirmed that diagnosis.  MRI results gave two more important bits of information:  (1) the right breast was unaffected, and (2) there was an additional spot of concern in the affected breast. 

Post-surgery pathology is giving us good news/bad news reports.  The good news:  lymph nodes are clear.  The bad news:  that additional spot of concern was an invasive cancer.  The good news:  that invasive cancer was removed, and with clear margins.  The bad news:  the previous existence of that invasive cancer means that further treatment will probably be necessary.

We'll see an oncologist next week to determine the next treatment steps, based on the full pathological report.

Prayer requests:  continued healing without complications; rest; clear understanding of medical information; wisdom for oncologist for future treatment.

We've laughed this week too, but some things simply should not be shared on a blog...

"May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen."  Hebrews 13:20-21

Home.

Glad to be home.  Have more mobility than expected.  Being well cared for.  : )

Remember Snow White's seven dwarfs?  I've been Dopey, Sleepy, Grumpy.  Forget about Bashful- not a chance with doctors and nurses poking, prodding, writing on parts you'd just as soon keep to yourself.  But most certainly Happy to have the surgery behind me.

Tough road of healing ahead, we'll take it one day at a time.

Your prayers, notes, support, love...priceless.

Janet

Lightly Salted

Hello! It's Alyson. Judy and Mom and I were sitting here chatting, and Dr. H came in to check up on Mom and tell her that she's looking great, healing nicely, and can go home today. Woohoo! (this was at 9:15, we were driving away by 10:15. Double woohoo!)

In the process of reviewing how Mom is doing, the doctor asked her to rate her pain on a scale of 1 to 10, using this picture that is posted on the wall above the bed:

I personally don't think that's a very helpful pain scale. My friend at Hyperbole and a Half blog created a much more helpful pain scale. Disclaimer: She does use a bit of salty language, but not every other word. More like lightly salted.

Shhhhh.....

Arriving in the early morning to give Alyson a chance to go home and get some sleep.  Tiptoeing into Janet's room, it's all dark and they're both sound asleep.  Carefully backing out and closing door.  Find nice little coffee nook around the corner.  Waiting.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
   for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.   Lamentations 3:22-23

Road to Recovery

Janet is resting in a quiet room.  Pray for a peaceful and restful sleep tonight.  A quiet day of rest tomorrow.

The eternal God is a dwelling place,
         And underneath are the everlasting arms.    Deuteronomy 33:27

She's Done!

Dr H just called and said they're closing up.  Everything went well and he'll be chatting with us soon.  Thank you all for your prayers.  We'll continue to keep you posted on Janet's progress!

1st Phase Complete!

Dr. F has completed the first phase of surgery.  Everything is going well and the initial report from the sentinal node testing is negative.  Dr. H is about 20 minutes into reconstruction.

Observations from the surgical waiting room:  Yleta is getting a free consult from a wedding planner.  : )

update

Letting you all know that Janet was just taken back to surgery.

Preheating the Patient

For those of you who haven't experienced surgery in a while, there is a nice little innovation in hospital apparel.  This morning, Janet is being "prewarmed" for surgery.  She is decked out in a "gown" that has velcro hooks for the convenience of the medical staff.  It also has a flexible hose attached to it that blows heated or cooled air for the patient's comfort.  Got a hot flash?  Drill that sucker down to icy cold.  Feeling a bit drafty?  Set the dial for toast.  Brilliant.

Nuclear Tracing and Other Bizarro Events

Just now, in the surgical center, a kind and knowledgeable nurse walked into Janet's room with a greenish metal box that looked like it came from WWII.  It was marked "NUCLEAR."  Yes it was.  She explained that many people are allergic to dye that is commonly used in the sentinel node testing procedure.  So, Janet will have a nuclear tracer injected and then the medical professionals will use a GEIGER COUNTER to locate the sentinel node. How cool!

We're Here

Janet is officially checked in.  We've followed the yellow brick road to the surgical waiting center.  It's FULL of people waiting.  Apparently there are a LOT of surgeries today.  We'll stay connected and give updates as the day progresses.  Observations from the waiting room:  the television is on, tuned in to CNN, and the president is talking.  Interestingly, it seems that none of the 30 plus people are watching/listening.  

Ready or Not

Thursday is surgery day, and we find ourselves vacillating between "anxious to get it done and over with" and "what the heck are we about to do?!".

We're feeling very surrounded- emails, notes, prayers, phone calls, hugs.  We may not  be so anxious for hugs after Thursday.  Perhaps a fist bump would be more in order for a few weeks.

We're praying for:  wisdom for the two surgeons; smooth surgery with no complications; continued peace.

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."  Hebrews 4:14-16

Permission Granted.

Go ahead.  Laugh.  It most certainly is allowed.  Maybe even required?

In recent days, we have chosen to laugh.

We were sitting in the waiting room of a plastic surgery practice.  Of course, we weren't there for Botox (not that there's anything wrong with that) or a face lift (not that there's anything wrong with that) or a tummy tuck (not that there's anything...).  Anyway, after noticing all the photographs on display of "perfect" celebrities, and after we'd seen the huge poster in the ladies room (ginormous tatas above a caption encouraging the reader to focus on their goals), we were called back for our appointment.  The perky nurse came in with her list of medical questions (which we'd just answered on the eight pages of information we'd filled out during the half hour wait past our appointment time).

Then she asked, without warning, "What size would you like them to be?"

We laughed.

During the course of the previous five weeks, we've chosen to laugh.

During conversations with a well-meaning relatives and friends: 

"Well, it may not be as bad as you think it will...but it might be a LOT worse"
"You're small, so it won't be so bad for you"
"I know EXACTLY how you feel"

Laugh.

Would you laugh with us?

It's perfectly okay if you don't know what to say....often, neither do we.

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

You Can't Handle the Truth!

Remember that line from the movie “A Few Good Men?”  Col. Jessup (Jack Nicholson) is testifying under oath, and responding to questions of Lt. Kaffee (Tom Cruise) as truth seems impossible to ascertain.

The reality of our present situation, seemingly magnified by the events of the previous twelve months, has left us wondering, can we handle the truth?  Can we say it out loud?  Post it on a blog?

The truth is, this really, really stinks.  It’s ugly, scary, and disappointing.  The month of October is “Breast Cancer Awareness” month.  Ugh.  We are aware. Very aware.

Decisions have been made and a surgery date is scheduled (first week of November).  Reality is just beginning to sink in, and we suddenly find ourselves aware of a new set of questions. 

Bitterness?  Anxiety?  Despair?  Impatience?

Only when we are truly honest with ourselves will we then acknowledge these feelings, recognize these emotions, and begin to determine how best to move forward. 

We choose kindness over bitterness.

We choose peace over anxiety.

We choose hope over despair.

We choose contentment over impatience.

Why?  Because…

“…we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ… suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope…hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts.” Romans 5:1-5

“…to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us…hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

truth?  cancer

Truth? “…through all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”  Romans 8:37

For the next couple of weeks, we will be completing  preoperative appointments necessary for surgery, and  wrapping up a few projects around the house.  We are praying for the ability to give proper attention to all these details, yet not allow those details to overwhelm us.

Grace and Peace!

Decisions, Decisions

We wrapped up our last post with a scripture reference from the book of James.  "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously" (v.5a).  Thank you for your prayers on our behalf.  Although scripture doesn't address the details of breast reconstruction, God certainly can answer those prayers by supplying resources for information and education.  If we choose to use those resources, and move forward with courage, we are able to make the difficult decisions, to answer those "multiple choice" questions that don't seem to have an acceptable answer.

Test results are in, and indicate that a mastectomy is not just prudent, but necessary.  We mentally prepared ourselves for this two weeks ago when the diagnosis was made.  The question remained, though, what about the other breast?  It seems to be unaffected by disease.  Do we remove just one, or both?  A question with no easy answer. But answer you must, before you can go on to the next question(s).  Dr. F would proceed with whichever choice was made, with no pressure to remove the healthy breast (prophylactic mastectomy).  We have decided on bilateral mastectomy (removal of both breasts).

On to the next set of questions.  These involve breast reconstruction.  Latissimus muscle flap procedure? Transverse rectus abdominis muscle flap procedure?  Implants?  Expanders?  Delayed reconstruction?  No reconstruction?  Because again, there is really no easy answer we moved forward prayerfully and carefully.

Graciously, God placed in our path five women who have already walked this road.  Their willingness to talk openly and honestly about their choices contributed to our ability to see life past the surgery, and how living with their decisions looks today- months or years after their procedures were completed.  Their testimonies, along with lots of written information, information from doctors, and, of course, prayer, enabled us to take the next step.  We have decided on immediate reconstruction, with a direct to implant (one-step) breast reconstruction.  (More information? read here: HERE)

Whew.

Are these choices "right" in every situation?  Most certainly not.  Would other choices be acceptable?  Yes, most definitely.  But these are the decisions that have been made, and we will move forward and not look back.

Surgery will most likely take place late in October, or possibly November.  We continue to be humbled by your unselfish willingness to join us in this fight.  Your prayers for continued peace and wisdom, as well as timing for the surgical procedures are very much appreciated.

Now, if I can get Judy (my sister) to write a post about our visit to the plastic surgeon, we can all laugh together for awhile...


 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight".  Proverbs 3:5-6

Praying for Wisdom

Wow, it's been an interesting few weeks, to say the least.  Office visit to the specialist on a Monday, biopsy two days later.  The following Monday receive the pathology report, then four days later at the Women's Center for MRI.  Consultation with the Plastic Surgeon this past week.  Next week, a follow-up with the Breast Specialist.

As many of you know, I have some experience with doctor visits, specialists, and disappointing test results.  I walked alongside Alan for years while he bravely faced each challenge.  Although he never had a cancer diagnosis, the loss of good health is less about the particular disease, and more about the uncertainty of the best possible health in the future.  We want to know "What is the treatment?", "How long is the recovery?", "What are the expected results?", etc.

These are the questions for which we need answers.  As we talk with Dr F next week, we need wisdom.  These are questions with multiple choice answers, with no "wrong" answer.  Answer A might initially give you a simpler procedure, but involve complicated procedures in the future.  Answer B might be more difficult initially, but less complicated long term, with risks.  Answer C....well, you get the idea.

We so appreciate your continued prayers on our behalf.  Many are obviously praying for peace, this we know because we have peace.  We need wisdom for decisions to be made in the next week.

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.  But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."  James 1:5-6

What's in a Name?

We've had some questions about names that are used in this blog.  The blog name "Bent Race Cars" is an anagram for cancer.  Word Girl, a.k.a. Alyson, came up with that one.  Yabbo is a childhood nickname that Janet's dad bestowed on her.

 "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold."  Proverbs 22:1

Bent Race Cars?

Ok, so it's not about automobiles,  racing, or collision repair.  It's about mammograms, biopsy, and pathology reports.  Janet has been ushered into a very pink sorority.  Specifically, last week she was diagnosed with Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS).

With this blog, we hope to keep you abreast (sorry, couldn't resist) of how you can come alongside us on this journey.  God has chosen to allow this challenge, and has surrounded Janet with so many family and friends.  This enormous community reminds us that we are not alone, nor are we meant to be.  We'll let you know when procedures are scheduled, and how you might join with us in specific prayer requests.

If you choose to post comments, keep her privacy in mind.  You'll notice that we'll leave out many specifics, i.e. last names, doctor names, and hospital names.  The world-wide web is just too much community for us.

Your support is a priceless gift to our family.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."      Romans 15:13 NIV